DAY 39: Survival Mode?

DAY 39: Survival Mode?

March 24, 2011
8:10 am

It’s funny. I’m experiencing setbacks today but remain very balanced and centered. My friend’s computer kept crashing on me the other day while I was trying to upload a new video. This wouldn’t be a big of a deal if it weren’t for the fact that this next video will be the one to explain the Destiny 5 reality show concept. It’s also the one which will move my Quest forward once I release the video. Another snafu: I’m noticing the upcoming meetup for this Sunday is the lowest it’s ever been! Any coincidence that this is the Dark Night chapter which will be the least attended? I don’t think so.

Self-doubt creeps in the form of my asking the question, Are people really committed? Should I just entertain people for three or four weeks - since that seems to be the length of one’s attention span - take the money and run? It’s scary to me that a 60 Day commitment can be too much for a lot of people. We want things done yesterday! Life gets in the way and can force you to drop your highest intentions. Where did these people go? Did I forget to mention there’s a commitment to one’s self during this Quest? Why is starting no problem but completion very difficult?

The Dark Night reveals itself clearer to me. It whispers in my ear, “Your hopes are doomed because nobody understands commitment. They’re too hypnotized and stimulated by the outside world.” But I’m not going to quit even when thoughts like this are revealed. Should I relegate myself to the belief that people truly don’t have staying power? Do I really wish to accept a belief that says it’s impossible for modern-day man to hold true to a 60 Day commitment?

I think maybe that’s why people give up…they see others giving up all around them. It is the deepest temptation. Sometimes the definition of winning is just staying on the course.

Okay, this is leading to a dark place for me. Time for calibrations…

Mike Shoeman
Still Exploring the 21^st Century Hero’s Journey

Fear: I’m afraid of good things coming to an end. I’m afraid of being disconnected and isolated. Fear is not knowing what people are thinking and feeling. I fear being disliked for my persistence.

Desire: I want constant growth. I want constant communication. I want to life to stop getting in the way! I want to feel better - so I will at the end of this exercise. I want things to be easy. I want this 60 Day Quest to end in success!

Anger: I’m angry at the fallout of attendance for my meetup. I’m angry that just as I’m getting started people are finishing. I’m angry that I directly associate people’s inertia with whether or not I succeed or fail! I’m angry that I’m angry! I’m angry that I’m so attached to my forward progression. I’m angry that people dabble but sometimes never show up. I’m angry that people’s attention span is so short!

Pride: I’m proud that I’m transitioning into a weekly meetup into a weekly televised meetup. I’m proud that I will continue to offer the 60 Day Quest for anyone who wants to explore it. I’m proud of my own commitment! I’m proud that I now represent the completion of something meaningful! I’m proud that when the chips are down I will not give up! I’m proud that, if anything else, I’ve demonstrated to myself that I can complete something.

Trust: I trust I’m writing all of this for a purpose. I trust someone is reading this and is feeling my message. I trust that no effort is ever put to waste. I trust that every time I write, make an audio recording, or hold a meetup that the cumulative effort is leading somewhere that I want to be. I trust that I’m supposed to be feeling this during the Dark Night. I trust that no matter what - win, lose or draw - the conclusion of this Quest will be profound for me.

Willingness: I’m willing to find a way to edit my video today. I’m willing to work on my feelings and be productive nonetheless. I’m willing to recognize people may be taking a breather and will be back. I’m willing to reach out and make contact. I’m willing to acknowledge I play a role based on my actions and reactions. I’m willing to finish this exercise. I’m willing to do this exercise for 3 more days to fulfill the commitment to myself in doing this for 21 straight days.

Acceptance/Forgiveness: I accept that I offer a solution to others: the 60 Day commitment IS a clear path. I accept that commitment is a clear path. I accept that there is a need for the 60 Day Quest to understand this. I forgive my own temptations to quit. I forgive myself for being angry at others because I myself have grown complacent at times too. I forgive the fact that I’ve made a mistake: people’s understanding of commitment is not a reflection on me. It’s a reflection that the Quest is needed and communicated in terms of how to make a commitment. I accept that when the 60 Days are over then the commitment has been fulfilled. I accept that there is an ending to this Quest. I accept that I continue to make the choice to begin a new quest.

Clarity: Now I’m clear that I’ve been feeling negative because I’ve been wanting to quit as well! I’m clear that people’s appearance of complacency is a reflection of my own. I’m clear that I’ve tried to deny to myself that I’ve make a Quest to attract an annual income in 60 Days because it’s become a difficult task! I’m clear that I’m supposed to be feeling this way during the Quest. I’m clear that I have a responsibility to make sense of these feelings because of the role I play in sharing the Quest with others. I’m clear that I’m ready to move on from this…

Love: Love is continuing to enjoy my discoveries on this Quest. Love is loving myself enough to write without censorship. Love is always allowing myself and others to pick up the Quest again whenever the time is right. Love is commitment. Love is an open space that shows the way out! Love is why I do this! Love is becoming more powerful! Love is getting easier to access because it was never truly lost. Love is loving in spite of hurt feelings. Love is living every day, every moment, to its fullest…

Joy: Joy is knowing that this feeling never goes away! Joy is the abundance of love available to those with the eyes to see it! Joy is abundant creation. Joy is in the love of mistakes and errors. Joy is creating the “future” by realizing all that exists is present joy. Joy is the overwhelming feeling of experiencing creation in the physical body. Joy transcends the physical body.

Peace: Peace is always waiting for you. Peace is the persistent truth that prods us all. Peace is forever universal, when we struggle against it we slip down the ladder. Peace is unification of all. Peace is the ending and the beginning. Peace is the first and last thought out of Enlightenment.

Enlightenment: (    ) but without the parentheses.