DAY 24: On Conscious Incompetence: Giving Away My Deepest Value

DAY 24: On Conscious Incompetence: Giving Away My Deepest Value

March 9, 2011
8:08pm

Aargh! The last 24 hours have been very disheartening. To be honest, the ONLY thing keeping me from saying, “You know, this Quest isn’t working out for me. I should just find a new Quest,” is my conscious awareness that I’m supposed to be in the Desert right now. At this time yesterday I was flying high! I was potentially more than halfway to the end of my Quest.

Then the bombs dropped.

Meetup.com closed my new meetup site down before it went public. One church rescinded their offer to have me speak for their congregation pending “getting to know me better”. As I said yesterday, one of my interns had to part ways with my company. I was then questioning whether my current partners still wanted to work with me! Since the criticism I received last week I’ve been perseverating over whether or not reaching out to UU or Unitarian churches is really a good investment of my time and energy. After taking a huge leap forward I realize I’m almost back where I started!

How did all this happen?

The answer is simple: I’m incompetent.

Don’t get the wrong idea - I’m very competent at what I do. But I’m still incompetent at generating a year’s worth of income in 60 Days. The only thing that will make me successful at this is that I am conscious of the fact that I’m incompetent. This is a Quest to build conscious competence.

The reason why “Act 2” of the Quest (comprising of Deserts, Plot Twists, and Dark Night) is called the emotional phase is because it is painful to go from being unconsciously incompetent to consciously incompetent. It's painful to know that now that I’m fully aware that my communications are fraught with spelling and grammatical errors. Now I’m fully aware that my website efforts are considered an offense to meetup.com’s terms of what a meetup should be. I’m fully aware now that people don’t trust me yet. These are all very hard pills to swallow about myself. In my unconsciously incompetent “blissful” state I communicated beautifully through writing, was the best thing that could ever happen to meetup.com and abundantly trustworthy because of the sincerity I bring to every encounter. What a way to get your world rocked!

Act 2 will test your BELIEF in your Quest: If Act 1 represents Unconscious Incompetence, the Mental/Intellectual World, and the “ASKING” portion of finding your heart’s desire, then Act 2 represents Conscious Incompetence, the Emotional World and “BELIEVING” in your heart’s desire. Later Act 3 will represent Conscious Competence, the Material World, and “RECEIVING” your heart’s desire. If I didn’t know all this, I would have quit last week.

But there’s still this pain! To get through this, I do an exercise called “Climbing the Emotional Calibration Ladder.”

The reason I’m feeling so much pain is because there’s some “base emotions” at work. Shame, Guilt, Fear, etc…

So I’ll go to the what, according to Dr. David Hawking’s book Power vs. Force, is the “lowest emotion”, which is Shame.

Shame: I’m ashamed of taking this Quest. It is making me feel common, foolish and people are making me feel like I’m breaking laws!

(Shame is very crippling. The next emotion up is “Guilt”. Now “Guilt” is hardly a productive emotion but it’s a little more alleviating than “Shame”. So now I reframe my last statement into one expressing “Guilt”.)

Guilt: I feel guilty about wanting financial compensation for the value I bring to others.

And so we go up the ladder…

Apathy: It doesn’t matter what I do - people are going to misinterpret my good intentions anyway.

Grief: I’m mourning the loss of the “perfect” Quest for me because it’s becoming difficult. I’m mourning the fact that I don’t understand “Law of Attraction” as well as I thought I did because these unexpected occurrences were a complete surprise to me!

Fear: I’m afraid of looking like a fool: declaring this Quest public and failing at it. I fear being a non-factor and being ineffective in everything that I do! I fear that people are looking down on me for taking this risk, for being vulnerable and that I’m resented for my persistence. I fear being seen as pushy. I fear that I’m “breaking the law” or causing exploitation because I feel I’m worth some financial rewards for my efforts
(especially after giving freely of myself for 20 years!)

(As you can see, there’s much I have to express with my fear. I might want to stay here and express it all, let it all out before moving up to the next more empowering emotion. But for the purposes of this journal I’ll move on.)

Desire/Greed: I want it to be easy! I want people to intuit how illuminating what I have to offer truly is! I want this Quest to instantly manifest!

Anger: I’m angry at people’s ignorance! I’m angry at people’s short attention span! I’m angry at myself for failing to communicate effectively! I’m angry that people don’t know how to listen, think the second thought, and realize all I want to do is provide a valuable service!

(Wow, again - lot’s of energy behind this one. Notice how I projected my anger on to other people in the beginning of this “Anger” passage?)

Pride: I’m proud that EVERY ONE who has ever taken part in a Destiny 5 workshop has found immense value. I’m proud that I give people the space to find answers no matter the depth of their spiritual or psychological evolution! I’m proud that I’m still on this Quest! I’m proud that I’m understanding and raising my “emotional vibration” through this activity!

Trust: I do trust this 9 phase 60 Day Quest process. I trust that I’m supposed to be feeling this so that I can help others. I trust my own motivations and sincerity with this program. I trust in my own abilities to move forward. I trust that all the setbacks in the last 24 hours are meant to help me tell a meaningful story. I trust that this exercise works miracles. I trust that people respect me and any miscommunications are merely a call for a loving response.

Willingness: I’m willing to write one email today to another church. I’m willing to take most of the day to edit a new video. I’m willing to do this exercise again if I find myself feeling bad later today. I’m willing to acknowledge that I’ve grown immensely in the past 10 minutes doing this exercise. I’m willing to be kinder to myself. I’m willing to find another way in communicating my meetup efforts. I’m willing to post this blog.
Acceptance/Forgiveness: I accept that I’m in the process of becoming Consciously Competent at generating a year’s income within this 60 Days. I forgive myself for not understanding yet how to communicate my message properly. I accept that I not only need help - but welcome help with open arms. I forgive my own Incompetence and see it as a call for loving communication with anyone who might have been hurt through my actions. I accept that I am both simple and beautiful.

Clarity: I sense Clarity in this exercise. I’m clear about why I’ve taken on this Quest. I’m clear about how to make myself feel better without a distraction or vice. I’m clear that this exercise represents training not a quick fix to anything. I’m clear that I only feel good if I’m serving another. The reason why I chose this Quest was to get over my deepest fears about money and security.

Love: I love that my girlfriend, my family and friends love me BECAUSE of my shortcomings. I love the work I do. I love knowledge and wisdom. I love seeing another feel loved. I love giving. I love emotionally connecting. I love everything that my efforts represent. I love this feeling that is being created right now.

Joy: Joy is knowing my life truly does have meaning. Joy is knowing this at the bottom of my soul. Joy, as I’m experiencing it now, is overwhelmingly intense! Joy is knowing I don’t have to do anything to maintain this feeling. Joy is letting go. Joy is light. Joy is beyond the words I can put in this text.

Peace: Peace is knowing everything is already done. Peace is allowing the conclusion of my Quest to come naturally. Peace is an open space for creation. Peace is in every being. Peace is both within and without this world. Peace is beyond my Quest. Peace is the true boon of my Quest. Peace is the acknowledgement that the Quest exists because I’ve chosen to create it. Peace is knowing there is no judgment in what we choose to create.

Enlightenment: This moment…and no where else.

Okay, I’m sobbing now. This exercise never fails. For those who have read today’s blog, this one of the most valuable tools I have to offer. It represents to me that I truly do have infinite value and willing to give it to those with the ears and eyes to appreciate it. This was the equivalent of exercising for the day, but doesn't mean I've mastered physical fitness.  Remember, this is training not "quick fixes".

With love,
Mike

Courage: Courage is communicating. Courage is asking questions. Courage is speaking from the heart. Courage is my heart because the French word "coeur" means "heart". Courage is speaking my truth. Courage is expressing my appreciation. Courage is looking at myself honestly. Courage is asking for what I want…