DAY 32: Identity Crisis

DAY 32: Identity Crisis

March 17, 2011
8:13 am

My emotions have been all over the place within the last 12-15 hours. The Plot Twist will induce somewhat of an identity crisis. Once again I find myself exerting effort with little feedback or response. My “old way” of doing things is dying. The people who I was very close to at the beginning of this Quest are fading out of my life. This is because they are following their own paths which has nothing personally to do with me. Still, I can’t shake the feeling of temporary loneliness during this transitional phase of the Quest.

Where we gain solidity and stability in the Desert we’re asked to deal with chaos and disorientation in the Plot Twist. There is an abundance of decisions and it can be overwhelming. This feeling is even difficult to articulate because it’s so overwhelming. Even in my writing this journal there’s evidence of chaos. Who am I really? Am I really going to succeed at this? Or am I merely playing a role immersed in “make believe”? This is why I say this Second Act (consisting of Deserts, Plot Twists, and Dark Nights) will test your belief system.

I am experiencing catharsis. This is the emotional explosion promised after building up the pressure throughout the Desert. The real purpose behind any Quest is to effectively master your emotions. After the explosion, the aftermath is fragments of your old self in the appearance of emotions like fear, grief, anger (as to be expressed in the upcoming Dark Night phase.)  These feelings will be resurrected by Phase 7 but for now this feels like the beginning of a descent.

Within the past 24 hours I’ve let several others tell me how superior their methods are to mine. I’ve let others tell me and implying that, “I could do what you do, probably better, but I choose not to.” These people were well meaning but these comments don’t serve me. I don’t believe any method is superior but I do believe there is power in applying your will toward a specific outcome. The Quest is merely a structure supported by history. Like everything else, it is to be transcended when it no longer serves.

Yet, knowledge of the Quest does serve me. I’ll try a new-age or holistic modality that people swear by only to find these are merely “quick fixes” and even sometimes serve as a distraction. I personally find more power in committing to something for 60 Days and staying true to that vision. How someone else experiences a Desert or a Dark Night or a Shadow is more of a personal response, not a fixed experience that is universal. What has endured is the person's detailed Life Story - that’s what the Quest is based on.


Okay, now that I’m clear about who I am, it’s time to stay true to my original intention for this Quest.

Mike
Michael Shoeman
Walking the Path

Calibrations:

Fear: I’m afraid my efforts are going ignored. I’m afraid that people are laughing at these efforts. I fear losing momentum. I fear that the world is too cold. I fear that perhaps I’ve been misguided. I fear that my expectations are unrealistic. I fear that people are too apathetic. I’m afraid of taking more vulnerable risks and being treated as a non-factor.

Desire: I want attention. I want my efforts to be productive. I want momentum. I want to embraced and appreciated for what I do. I want enthusiasm. I want my risks to pay off in huge dividends. I want respect. I want to live now! I want to be doing these workshops every week and work into every day! I want 2500 people signed up for Destiny 5 right now! I want my 60 Day Quest to be fulfilled in an instant! I want a check handed over to me in the full amount today!

Anger: I’m angry at the people who started out with me and have gone AWOL. I’m angry that people don’t communicate. I’m angry that my program is not appreciated in the way I’d like it to be. I’m angry that she didn’t even want to understand me! I’m angry that my Quest isn’t completed yet! I’m angry that I’m feeling low! I’m angry at the Twinkies in my life! I’m angry that I’m stuck!

Pride: I’m proud of my resilience. I’m proud that I stick to my Quest. I’m proud that I can acknowledge that there is where I’m meant to be. I’m proud that I have come as far as I have. I’m proud that I look for the truth in my situation. I’m proud that I do speak from my heart. I’m proud of my healing myself. I’m proud that I am for real! I’m proud that my program is kick ass! I’m proud that I’m coming out of this slump right now!

Trust: I trust that I do have guides and angels. I trust that my value is just as powerful as anyone I can work with. I trust my feelings. I trust that this is the Dark Night and also shall pass. I trust that something is lining up. I trust this Quest process. I trust that my 60 Day Quest will be successful. I trust that the right people are looking for me. I trust that this is easier than I’m making it.

Willingness: I’m willing to do this exercise. I’m willing to do some soul searching. I’m willing to try again. I’m willing to make new distinctions. I’m willing to change. I’m willing to ask deeper questions. I’m willing to focus on my beliefs. I’m willing to let go, back up and feel this. I’m willing to love. I’m willing to give. I’m willing to let the Quest guide me.

Acceptance/Forgiveness: I accept that this works. I forgive the other for implying that my Quest was not as valuable as her “quick fixes”. I accept that I accept others for their own belief systems. I forgive my own desire and separation. I accept that the power in what I do gives others the permission to have meaningful conversations. I forgive the circumstances that created my dire perceptions. I accept that I’m now in full career of an adventure.

Clarity: I’m clear that I’m healing myself. I’m clear that I’m open to experiencing what others have to offer. I’m clear about not lying to myself. Clarity is sharing. I’m clear about my intentions. I’m clear about the joy I experience during these workshops. I’m clear about how fascinated I am with this Video Journal project. I’m clear about HOW to generate the annual income in 60 Days.

Love: I love helping others. I genuinely love the story process. I love giving. I love being appreciated for my expertise. I love that I’m being paid handsomely for my expertise. I love the power in communication. I love that I facilitate the catalyst for people having the most meaningful conversations of their lives. I love that I have experience to draw from.

Joy: Joy is detachment from outcome. Joy is reaching out for the sheer pleasure of connecting. Joy is connecting. Joy is limitless limitation. Joy is always the eventual outcome. Joy is an explosion. Joy is nonjudgmental feeling. Joy is beholding beauty without having to possess it. Joy is the realization that I took a journey in the last 20 minutes to get here.

Peace: Peace is starting my blog today. Peace is letting go. Peace is after the explosion. Peace is a recovery. Peace is silence. Peace is the true power in this Quest. Peace is knowing with thinking, seeing without looking, accomplishing without doing.

Enlightenment is enough for this moment - overwhelming in any other moment.