DAY 16: A Flood of Gratitude

DAY 16: A Flood of Gratitude

March 1, 2011
8:07 pm

Your focus truly does determine your reality.

According to many spiritual thinkers, I’m in “the perfect place I need to be.” Yes, my debt threatens to swallow me whole and I’m feeling that more than ever. But the reason I’m in this difficult position is because I chose to be! I choose to live in my authenticity and serve others to the highest of my ability. Yes, this is the breaking point but it’s also the moment masters have described as “playing the edge”. In fact, “playing the edge” is supposed to be one of the keys to mastery.  In spite of my Shadow speaking through my ego, I'm committed to generating one year's income within these 60 days!

Then there’s a frightened part of me: It’s the part of me that wants to run back to what’s known as “the world plan”. The world plans states you’re supposed to be a “good boy or girl” and try not to think too much - don't question authority. The good boy gets good grades, goes to college, gets a solid paying job, hope retirement will treat him well and then depend upon the world plan, or the system, to provide for him.

The last remnants of shadow emerge now in the form of my own mother. Please don’t misunderstand me - my mother is a very loving woman who has always loved me unconditionally. But she did place a lot of limiting beliefs into my head. Recently when I told her that I wrote this book and the workshops I’ve created are changing lives her only response was, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

And that hurts - when you have the power to convince almost everyone else your life has purpose and your work is valuable but your own mother says something like that. Throughout my life, even though I’ve brought audiences to their feet, helped suicide survivors understand their illness on profound levels (potentially saving lives), and have written a book that addresses issues on deep psychological and spiritual levels, my mother’s question will always be the same, “Did you make any money doing it?”

No, not yet. But it almost implies that all the wonderful work I’ve done is valueless. It’s hard to take pride in and ask for money when on a near unconscious level you believe that your own mother finds your work worthless. Mind you, it would break my mother’s heart if she read this and she would never consciously discourage me. My mother has always come through for me and I love her very much.  This is my own Shadow I must confront in order to truly receive my Helping Hands. If we’re not fully conscious of our Shadow then we close ourselves down.   I really just wish to impress upon my reader this isn't about my mother - it's about the Shadow I'm facing in completing this quest.

My Helping Hands have been coming through in the past 24 hours. The “Lotus Blossom” helped me reconnect with a very cherished friend. The “Candle” helped in another business partnership which could eventually lead to serving men who might normally be closed off to the Destiny 5 Experience. The “Chain of Hands” also helped begin a dialogue which could lead to my being able to offer my experience to the disenfranchised and still be compensated for my efforts.

I also received a glowing paragraph about what one participant in the experiential workshops has felt. These all help me to overcome this Shadow.
I have to stop writing now as I’m all of sudden being flooded with gratitude.

Mike