Day 9: "Oh No You Didn't!"

DAY 9: "Oh No You Didn't!"

February 22, 2011
7:53 am

Before you read this blog, please see my latest video by CLICKING HERE.

Still wrestling with my Shadow in spite of some huge momentum yesterday. I deal with this even though one door had opened up which could potentially be the door to fulfilling my quest entirely in one stroke.  My 60 Day Quest could be complete through what happened yesterday on DAY 8.  Yet, I’m still scared. There’s still immense fear. I mean, I’m aware of it, can work using it, but it’s there!

This quest for me isn’t about money - though the measurement of it is a specific dollar amount. It’s about freedom and shaking off the fear associated with money. It’s about giving others a model to turn passion - whatever that passion is - into income. But almost all the time, it’s not the business model that fails, it’s the FEAR associated with implementing the business model.

Fear is tricky thing: in my case it potentially distracts me from making a wonderful connection which could be the answer. It wasn't the door I was expecting but a potential door nonetheless. But I’m afraid…

I still think I have many great ideas which will be implemented: The LifeACT Video Ezine, the 12 Hour Marathon, the Meetup and UU outreach, my upcoming audio books - all are GREAT ideas. They have the potential to be stupid ideas if my doubt is allowed to grow and I give up on them.

And I have been dealing with doubt. (That’s the Shadow.) One of the biggest things I fear is being seen as unintelligent. I’m still searching my soul on that one; one can say I’m evil, or hideous looking, or even smell bad - but to call me or imply that I’m unintelligent really sets me off! Have you ever felt judged? Have you ever felt people jumped to the wrong conclusions about you without having all the information? Yet the more you try to change that opinion you get in deeper and it consumes you? That’s the fear I’ve been working with this morning. Time to let that go.

I’m going to go back to the game What Happens Next? and use the same scenario from the other day. Here’s what I posted two days ago when wrestling with my critical gap (or what I perceive to stand in the way of my 60 Day Quest.)

My Perceived Critical Gaps:
People’s General Apathy Even When a Good Thing Stares Them in the Face
My Message Getting Lost in a Sea of an Over-Saturated Internet Market

THE DIALOG:
Me: I came up with this brilliant idea about a new video to release in an effort to gain a corporate sponsorship.
My Shadow: (Layer 1) What happened next?
Me: I wrote what I thought was a neat headline, “How I Almost (Legally) Stole $100,000 from Meetup.com…”
My Shadow: (Layer 2) What happened next?
Me: I sent the headline to 700 people in my network…
My Shadow: (Layer 3) What happened next?
Me: No response whatsoever. The effort was stupid.
My Shadow: (Layer 4) What happened next?
Me: I thought once I release the video it will make a difference…
My Shadow: (Layer 5) What happened next?
Me: My friend forgot to help me make my back order of videos so I wasted two hours.
My Shadow: (Layer 6) What happened next?
Me: My efforts felt impotent. Like I’m wasting my time.
My Shadow: (Layer 7) What happened next?
Me: It made me realized that NONE of the leads I contacted this week responded to me (even from the personal emails I’d written)…
My Shadow: (Layer 9) What happened next?
Me: I all of sudden felt a drain of energy. I felt like giving up.
My Shadow: (Layer 10) What happened next?
Me: I realized I was confronting my Shadow on the quest. It made me feel good to know that this was a natural part of the quest.

Now I add the "chaos" factor: I flip a coin - if it lands heads the response is What Happens Next?, if it lands tails the response is “No, you didn’t.” When tails comes up I have to take my idea of this Shadow in another direction.

Me: I came up with this brilliant idea about a new video to release in an effort to gain a corporate sponsorship.
My Shadow (Tails): No, you didn’t…
Me: A divine idea came through me for corporate sponsorship and will play itself out naturally because it is powerful.
My Shadow (Tails): No, it didn’t…
Me: I’m committed to this being a good idea because it leverages my talents…
My Shadow (Heads): What happens next?
Me: My every day decisions makes this a good idea. It becomes a stupid idea if I become afraid and give up…
My Shadow (Tails): No, they don't…
Me: I decided to move on from this and focus on other frustrations…
My Shadow (Heads): What happens next?
Me: I realize I’m not getting the response I’m looking for from my first attempts at communicating my program and intentions to decision makers who can provide an audience…
My Shadow (Heads): What happens next?
Me: After having my Sunday Night Meetup I’m taking the approach of communicating on a deeper level with my contacts.
My Shadow (Tails): No, you’re not…
Me: I’m becoming aware of my own determination…I’m not giving up on these approaches because they ARE good, intelligent ideas. They just need to come from more of an authentic place.
My Shadow (Tails): No, you’re not…
Me: No, I’m acknowledging how the Shadow plays tricks on you and the absurdity of getting frustrated with a little nickel!
My Shadow (Tails): No, you’re not.
Me: Okay, fine. Maybe I’m being stubborn and need to open up to a new door opening.
My Shadow (Tails): No, you’re not.
Me: I realize I just wrote something powerful, meaningful and intelligent through this exercise. Though I have to be passive now - I’m going to play out my well-crafted ideas and not be attached to outcome.


My reflection on this exercise:

I confronted the idea that perhaps my ideas are less than wonderful. That maybe my strategy and methods aren’t congruent to my values. The reason I’ve been so stubborn in persisting in my idea (instead of merely letting it go at the first “No, you didn’t”) is because I’ve been wishy-washy before. This exercise has proven to me I can hold firm on my intentions but develop flexibility in my approach. That feels good.

I am complete.

Mike Shoeman
“Past the point of no return.”