DAY 59: 1 Day Left! (Winding Down)

DAY 59: 1 Day Left! (Winding Down)

April 22, 2011
10:06

It’s time to wind this down. I’ve been engaging in the activities of mini-quests this week. The rest of my wishes I think I’ll keep private.

Now is the time for rest and celebration. At the moment all my work efforts seem to be stagnant so I take
that as a message to slow down, let this quest die and come back to the moment.

What I’ve learned about myself throughout this entire experience is that I remain determined. I can create without fear of perfection. Well, I have a lot of fear, but I now know I do things in spite of that fear. It scares me that I make mistakes so very often but it’s either live as an imperfect being or die still hoping for perfection.

What has changed? I’m more in alignment with my values. My income will be self-generated and come from my talents - video production, story telling, coaching.

But something is still stopping me from choosing a new quest. I think it has something to do with listening to my wisdom. I’m fully aware of my shortcomings and would consider myself a fool if I remained blind to these shortcomings. People still imply to me I have no business doing what I’m doing. Yet I do it. Why? Because it gives me a story to tell. That’s what I do, I now write stories using a simple home camera.

I do what I do so I won’t be so self-absorbed. I truly enjoy the success of another’s story. Where most people seek to exploit and cash-in, I know I seek to empower and heal. Yet I don’t claim to be an expert or a healer, I’m just trying to find the answers myself.

It really is true, people do fear success. I’ve been given the opportunity to send my manuscript to a very powerful agent who is sincerely interested in reading it. Why do I hesitate? Because I do fear all my shortcomings, knowing I can’t do anything about my imperfections. I fear the world condemning me, cutting me down and acting out of harshness. My quest was successful but I guess I always feared the end would come. It reminds me that this world will destroy you if you let it. That’s the true Quest - living in spite of those who imply that you really should just lie down and die. All I want to do is inspire others to be their best, in spite of their shortcomings. You are always good enough and I love you for that!

How have I changed? I guess even though I’m still afraid to break a few eggs, it must be done. It’s journey, not the destination. Living up to one’s highest intention rarely brings a precise outcome, but the connection to life, the relationships enjoyed, make it all worth it.

Thank you so much for coming along on this journey with me. I appreciate you so much.

I’ll be back one more time.

Michael Shoeman
Pondering Unconscious Competence